his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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