So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
