So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
