Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
