there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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