I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
