kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize