new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
