you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
