This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
