sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
