just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
