Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
