Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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