At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Found your dick twin last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
