why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
