Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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