So drunk its hurt
What a fucking waste of an outfit
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
