i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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