Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
