guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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