Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
