U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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