Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize