How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
