I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
