So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
