How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
