So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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