Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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