If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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