Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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