went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
