Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So many bounce houses so little time
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
