it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
