Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just cropdusted the office
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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