WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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