if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
