Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
