theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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