u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
