So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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