Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
