not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
