I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize