...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
