My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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