i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
