how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
