Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
this hospital has no fireball
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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