We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
