sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
