Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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