Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
