she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
