i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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