Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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