You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
