We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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