One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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