So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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