What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
