my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
