I hate your face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
