It's Friday. Sex?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
