5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
