So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
