we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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