hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
