Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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