I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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