the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
