Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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