so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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