I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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