i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
