so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
