Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
