you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
