Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
