Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
