I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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