so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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