Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
