so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
