I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
