Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
