He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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