Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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