i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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