do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm too high and old for this...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
