They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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