Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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