you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
