We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
