And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
