just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
