i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
