I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
