I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize