girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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