yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
