Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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