Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i think i just lost a toe
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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