Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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