He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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