i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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