I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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