After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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