Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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