TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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