Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
