I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
