dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
