I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
