Don't you send me to vm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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