Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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