so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
