He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
