look no pants
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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