I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
