I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
