OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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